My First Tattoo
This tattoo lies in between my physical scars. I hit my lowest point I’ve experienced to date in 2022 and have had to learn to rebuild. The scars on my feet/calf/ankle were a part of what got me to this low. I had to say goodbye to the previous version of myself and accept a life with chronic pain and limitations in 2022 as I realized my 3rd surgery had failed and doctors were at a loss. I also ended up leaving my marriage, a relationship I had been in for 9 years, since I was 18, 1/3 of my life. I felt like I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, or how to move forward. I was starting over. I had to commit for the first time to building a relationship with myself and let go of the dreams of my past self.
One of the things I did to help me in my journey was join a journaling club called JoClub, having never really journaled before. Within a week of joining, not really knowing much about this club, I applied for the retreat in Croatia. These actions were so uncharacteristic of the old me, but new me takes risks and puts herself out there. This club has been instrumental in my personal growth journey and I am so grateful for them, but also super proud of myself for making these decisions, sticking with it, and putting in the work.
So, I went to Croatia, spending a week on my own before joining up with other JoClub members for our week long retreat. This was my first solo international trip, really my first solo trip longer than a couple days. This trip was a pivot point in my life. I loved it. My divorce was also finalized while I was in Croatia; it really was the start of my new life. See my blog post about Zagreb here. I believed in myself to make the right decisions for me, I believed I could make friends and be vulnerable with random Croatian strangers, I believed I had the knowledge and the skills to get me through any situation that came my way. I was really trusting myself for the first time and it led to an unforgettable experience.
Zivjeli means cheers in Croatian. Some other translations/meanings are “Long live” (cue T Swift), “May you live”, “Let’s live”. When I hear this word, I am taken back to making friends with locals at the Zagreb beer fest; I am taken back to a local bar in Vojnic, with my new JoClub friends and the incredible staff of Ekodrom. My heart was so full with the connections I had made and the bravery and vulnerability that had gotten me here. Zivjeli reminds me to live, to trust myself, to explore, to meet and connect with people. It reminds me that through all the scars and the pain I have endured, I can still live here in the present moment and make the most of this life.
Zivjeli to trusting and loving myself.
Zivjeli to taking risks, putting myself out there, and being brave.
Zivjeli to putting in the work to heal myself and putting myself first, always.
Zivjeli to connections with strangers and exploring the world.
Zivjeli to the person I was, for the bravery you have shown and the lessons you have taught me, Zivjeli to the person I am now, may you continue to put yourself first and enjoy the journey, and Zivjeli to the person I am becoming, I can’t wait to meet you and see all you do.
In the midst of all the scars that life will give me, I will remember to live and be grateful for what I have. Cheers to not letting your limitations stop you!
